Welcome to my Cataract Humor webpage,
In Stitches
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Welcome to my Cataract Humor webpage,
In Stitches
I created this Punny sub-subpage because in pre-surgery:
they don't let you smoke,
Top Nine Things a Patient Never Wants to Hear during Cataract Surgery
8) Any Sound that accompanies a smell
7) The Doctor doing his Foster Brooks impression
6) The doctor's stomach growling.
5) The doctor saying, "Please, please don't make me laugh."
4) If there will be Piped-in music one song you never want to hear is "Oops, there it is!"
3) Oops! Well, at least he still has one good eye ... "Doh!"
2) Uh, Ohhh.
1) Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
Why does that ultrasonic gizmo that emulsifies the old lens hummm?
There are at least two reasons:
1) Because it forgot the words to "Whistle while you work" ?just as well,
2) A whistling machine can be very unnerving to someone who has spent as much time as I have in a dental chair. (With apologies to our Klingon Drill Captain)
At least now I can legally beat to death the phrase "You're a sight for sore eyes."
What did the Doctor say when asked, "How many HealthCare Providers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"Hold on, I'll have to ask the insurance carrier."
A Doctor with no patience ... and
What do we call A Doctor with no patience (patients)?
Unemployed.
Doctor Simon says ... (e.g. ... NO TALKING)*.
You've heard of Gummi Bears and Gummi Worms ?right? Well, now I give you ...
N 2007 Overheard in an Ophthalmologist Surgeons Office:
"YAG, YAG, YAG. All you ever do is YAG."
"... never Zig when you should YAG."
" 'Iw ... like, YAG me with a spoon."
Top Six Things a Doctor Never Wants to Hear during Cataract Surgery
1) N 2007 "Doctor, the patient's check bounced"
2) The patient's stomach growling.
3) The patient telling Doctor jokes.
4) A kibitzing patient.
5) N 2007 The patient admiring the proceedure during the operation.
6) The Sound that accompanies a certain disdainful smell.
Well, what'd you expect from the fertile mind of a Master Gardener, once the seed of "you can't do that" was planted!
© June 3rd 2004 ** ** ** **
they don't let you drink,
they don't let you do unauthorized drugs, and
they don't let you chase the nurses ...
Ya' gotta' do something fun while waiting, and waiting, and ....
9) The Doctor yawning
What do you call an Impatient Doctor?
Name a game that Doctor's like to play:
Overheard ... Eye Surgeon to patient:
Gummi Eyes.
N 2007 Instructor to fledgling Ophthalmologist Interns:
N 2007 Never say this to a Valley Doctor ... even in jest ... especially a Klingon Valley Doctor:
I took that seed of an idea and ran with it like a pair of scissors!
___________
Note: N 2007 New Entry in 2007
Social Sciences Division
Fort Worth, Texas
Page last revised August 3rd 2007
https://yllibyar.tripod.com/Groaners_Alley.htm
https://yllibyar.tripod.com/In_Stitches.htm